Who You Wanna Be?

zwani.com myspace graphic comments

Be Who You Want

Saturday, July 5, 2008

14 Fatal Online Dating Errors That Single Women Make By David Wygant

Recently I was coaching a woman on how to write her profile for Yahoo! Personals. Before we wrote the profile, I asked her to send me her four best pictures.

I asked her to do this because men are as visual as Scooby Doo on steroids. The first thing they do when they see your profile online is NOT read about your trip to Italy last summer. They want to see how hot you are. Keep in mind that every man has different taste in women. What I find attractive, my friend may not find attractive at all.

So I explained this to my client, and I asked her to send me her four best photos -- pictures that represent who she is in her life. What she sent me is mistake #1 of the biggest mistakes women make online.

Here are the 14 biggest online dating mistakes women make:

1. Stop posting four different photos from four different stages in your life. This leaves a man wondering, "Who is this person?" I've looked through thousands of online profiles, and the majority of women will put up pictures from different stages of their life but not put up current pictures. All photos that you post on an online dating profile MUST BE CURRENT!!! He's going to find out what you look like when you meet, and there is no reason to lie about your looks.

2. Don't list your dislikes about Internet dating in bold, capital letters at the beginning of your profile. We've all had negative experiences online. Emphasize your positive points, not your negative ones.

3. List your exact body type. It seems like on the Internet EVERYBODY is "athletic and toned," "petite" or "fit and trim." He will find out what you look like! You might as well tell the truth in your profile, so you'll have a qualified lead and not waste somebody's time.

4. List your real age. In the world of Internet dating, it seems like there's an abundance of 29- and 39-year-old women. "29" usually means somewhere in your 30's. And a woman who is "39" is usually in her 40's. Why start a potential relationship on a lie? Men are guilty of the same thing, and I advise them the same way.

5. I'm really glad you had a great time on your vacation, but you don't need to post 10 photos of your trip to Italy WITHOUT you in them. This is a dating site, not a trip advisor. Also, stop posting pictures of you skydiving, winter skiing, waterskiing, or doing anything else where we can't see what you look like in the picture.

6. Keep your profile short and to the point. Make your paragraphs very short. I've seen too many women's profiles that look like romance novels. Take a look at Yahoo! Sports and read an article in the sports section. All paragraphs are short so men can digest that information in short bursts.

7. Don't be so self-absorbed. I've seen many women's profiles that say, "I want a man to be this," "I want a man to do that," "I want a man to cherish me," "I want a man to adore me"... You list all your "I wants" without listing what YOU will bring to the relationship. So you end up looking like you're a taker and not a giver. No man wants to be with a taker; he wants to be with someone who's equally willing to give and to receive.

8. Don't list your financial desires like you're posting a want ad. I've seen too many women write, "I'm looking for a man who will spoil me, buy me great things, and take me on great trips." You come across as a gold digger. Instead say, "I like the finer things in life to share with somebody," so you don't come across so harsh.

9. No baby talk! Even if the number one priority in your life is to be a mother, nothing scares a man off more than if you write in your profile about how badly you want kids. He may feel the same way, but he is going to think, "This woman will marry anybody to have kids." Write something a little more toned down like, "Families are important to me, and I can't wait to meet my special man so I can start a family." This shows you're selective and not just looking for someone with whom to make a kid.

10. Stop listing all your rules. Don't write things like "A perfect first date MUST be dinner" or "The man I date HAS to wear suits." Women tend to list rules in their profiles. Be open to a different kind of first date, or the kind of guy who wears jeans to work.

11. Stop sending winks. When is the last time you went to the supermarket, saw a cute guy and winked at him? Winks went out of style when "Happy Days" went off the air. You don't like it when men send you a wink. You think it makes him seem lazy and like he didn't read your profile. We think the same thing! So stop winking and start typing.

12. If you write to a man and he doesn't write you back, don't write a nasty follow-up email and ask him why he didn't write you back. If a man doesn't respond to you, it's the same thing as when you don't write a man back. It means that he is not interested. Don't get angry, just find another person.

13. We know you're looking at us, because we see that you've viewed our profile every day. Say "hello!" We're not going to bite. Lob that email in. Take a chance and send an email to the guy to whom you're most attracted. You never know what might happen!

14. If a guy who you're interested in writes to you, stop playing games and write him back right away. Don't make him wait four days. He may find someone else in the time you wait to write him back. Keep the momentum going!

I have found when online dating that if you're honest about who you are, and you get back to people immediately, you'll get the date faster and avoid all the back and forth games that go on. Now go change that profile!

10 Fatal Online Dating Errors That Men Make By David Wygant

Some men have absolutely NO sense of etiquette when they're trying to contact women online. During all my years of coaching, women have told me some amazing things men have written to them in emails.

Many men feel they can just say anything in an email when they are trying to get a woman to go out with them. If they said those same things to a woman in a bar or on the street, they might get arrested, or at least slapped. But when they're hiding behind the secrecy of their computer, too many men get abrasive and crude.

Here's my list of 10 things NEVER to do when you're online trying to get a woman to go out with you. Some of these are obvious; some you'll swear I'm making up! But all of them are things men actually do.

Top 10 email turnoffs for women

1. Don't ask her how much she weighs or what her measurements are. You might as well just tell her you only want to sleep with her and you have no interest in getting to know her, because that's what she's going to think if you ask her this.

2. Don't email her seven times asking her why she hasn't responded to your first email. Women get far more email than men do, so you need to be patient. Instead of harassing her, relax and be confident that she's going to respond to you.

3. Don't ask her how many other dates she's been on from Yahoo! Personals. How many other dates someone has been on is not important. What is important is finding out whether the two of you click when you hang out.

4. Don't send her a nasty email if she hasn't responded to you after several emails. It's her prerogative whether or not she desires to be in contact with you. If she doesn't want to meet you, why get angry and nasty? There are plenty of other women out there who you can contact.

5. Don't ask her if she wants to have sex with you on the second email exchange, and don't send her dirty pictures of you. Women are all about connecting with their minds. Just because you're looking for a quick fling, that doesn't mean she's going to respond.

6. If she gives you her phone number, don't wait a week to call her. By extension, if you do wait a week to call her and she doesn't call you back, don't be shocked. Women have many options online. If she gives you her phone number, I suggest calling her that day. It keeps the momentum going.

7. When asking for more pictures, do so without any references to "Can you please send me a picture so I can see your body?" Ask her if she'd like to exchange more pictures, which means you send some and she sends some. Several women have complained to me that men ask them to send pictures of themselves in bikinis or other such things, so that men can see their body. Men, don't do this!

8. Don't get offended if she doesn't want to talk to you on the phone right away and/or wants to talk to you via email first to get to know you. You need to be flexible and open to her suggestions. Sometimes you may need to email back and forth for a week, and sometimes she'll give you her phone number right away. Either way, don't be rude.

9. Do not email-stalk her. Many of my women clients have complained to me about men who will email them several times a day for three weeks, until they are forced to block emails from those men. Men, she got your email the very first time. She just may have chosen not to open it. By sending emails several times a day, not only are you turning her off, you're freaking her out! You've become an online stalker. That's a guarantee she'll never go out with you.

10. Don't send cut-and-paste emails. When connecting with her for the very first time, don't cut and paste an email message in July that you've been sending out for six months with a tagline that says, "I love the holidays." By doing that, she knows you didn't read her profile - and that you're really, really lazy!

10 Dating Signs You're Being Needy By David Wygant

In my ten years of coaching men and women on the perils of dating and relationships, the one journey women tell me they never want to go on again is meeting and hanging out with the "needy and clingy" man.

Nothing turns women off more than a guy who is really needy. Now, I can practically hear men's voices protesting from everywhere, saying "But David, there are a lot of needy women too!" This article is not about them... it's about you.

Below are ten signs that you are being needy. Remember you are trying to attract women, not turn them off. So if you suffer from any of these signs of neediness, you need to immediately stop those actions.

1. You just walked a woman to her door at the end of a date. Instead of kissing her, you ask her if she had a good time. Women are attracted to confident men. They don't want to have to tell you that they had a good time on a date... they want you to be secure enough in yourself to assume that they had a good time.

2. You called a woman last night and she has not yet called you back, so you either email her or call her again to ask her if she received your message. If you want to push her away, this is one of the best ways to get her to quickly run away from you.

3. You start texting a woman you just began dating five or six times a day. You are over-texting her. You don't need to check in every two hours. That's a sign of neediness and clingy behavior that turns women off.

4. You miss a call on your cell phone from a phone number that you don't recognize. You call the woman you're dating, and to whom you talked just two hours before, and ask, "Did you just call me?" This kind of behavior is going to push and scare her away.

5. You agree with everything the woman you're dating says. Women are not looking for a man who agrees with everything they say. Women want a man who challenges them and from whom they can learn. When a man agrees with everything a woman says, he is telling her that he'll do anything to have a relationship (which is another sign of being needy).

6. The woman you're dating is out for the evening with her friends. She promised to call you when she got home. It's getting late and you haven't heard from her. You just can't resist and you call her cell phone several times until she answers it. This is a sign of being needy and insecure. She's out with her friends... not out with another guy. Let her have some personal space and she'll respect you more.

7. You are too available. If you have plans with a friend, keep those plans even if the woman you're dating asks you to do something that night. Women don't want men who are like a 7-Eleven -- convenient and ready 24/7.

8. You try to please a woman all the time. I'm all about men doing nice things for women, but she has to earn it. Some men will let a woman walk all over them, and then continue to be a sponge and allow it over and over again. Stand up for yourself and she'll respect you more. Letting a woman walk all over you is a clear sign to her that you're needy.

9. Don't be afraid to challenge a woman. If you don't agree with something a woman says, don't just sit there and agree with her thinking it's what she wants. Women are looking for someone who is going to stimulate their mind... not bore them. Women are not turned on by men they can completely control.

10. Be the man! Have a plan and stick with it. Women like men who plan out evenings of fun.
Don't always ask a woman what she wants to do. Listen to what she likes when you're having conversations with her, then come up with a fun plan that you will already know she'll like.

A needy man will do whatever a woman wants. A man of action will create plans for what they will do. Being a man of action will lead her to find you a lot more attractive in the long run.

Women are attracted to men who are confident and real. Women want to feel like you need them... but only after you already have your own life, your own ambitions, and your own goals.
The moment a man starts getting too clingy, a woman will run for the hills. This is exactly like how you will pull back from a woman who becomes clingy and needy.

Dating Survey: Women on Finding "The One" - Perception vs. Reality - Survey says women value social life and family orientation/closeness the most.

When asked, how did you meet your significant other, the most frequent response was "through friends," followed by "school," "work" or "an online dating site." Among the least cited responses were "at a bar" or "at church."

When asked how you expected to meet your significant other, responses varied from the reality, with the largest majority of respondents saying they expected to meet through a "casual encounter."Do Opposites Attract?

When asked, how similar they were to their significant other in some fundamental areas,
respondents overwhelming said they were similar in all but one area - their profession.

The following percentages represent those who said they were "very similar" or "similar" with their significant other in each of the categories.

Social life - 90%
Age - 89%
Ethnicity - 87%
Family orientation/closeness - 85%
Politics - 85%
Religion - 84%
Work/life habit - 83%
Income - 70%
Profession - 38% (What Matters Most)

When asked, which of the following characteristics was most important when searching for your significant other, respondents ranked "family orientation/ closeness" as the most important and "income" as the least important.

The following percentages represent how respondents ranked each characteristic in order of importance.

Family orientation/closeness - 44%
Religion - 17%
Social life - 16%
Work life habit - 11%
Age - 5%
Ethnicity - 3%
Profession - 2%
Politics - 1%
Income - 1% (Relationship Stages - Meeting Online vs. Offline)

When comparing respondents who met online with the ones who met their significant other offline, an interesting trend emerged.

The online daters reached "relationship milestones" more quickly than those who met offline.

Initial Dating - Online daters began dating more quickly than offline daters, with 77% saying they started dating within the first four weeks of meeting each other, compared to 50% of offline daters.

Feeling Chemistry - More than half (55%) of all respondents said they felt chemistry with their significant other in the first two weeks. But, 30% of those who met offline said it took between "six months" and "two or more years" to feel chemistry, compared with only 5% of online daters, who were more likely to feel chemistry earlier on.

Understanding Interests - Online daters (60%) said they had a better understanding of their significant other in the first four weeks of dating than offline daters (41%).

Getting Exclusive - Online daters got exclusive more quickly than offline daters - 80% compared with 56% in the first three months, or 52% vs. 32% in the first month, respectively.

Getting Family "Buy-In" - 45% of online daters got "buy-in" within three months of dating; whereas only 31% of offline daters did.

Engagement - Online daters got engaged more quickly - more than two-thirds (70%) of online daters were engaged in less than two years, whereas more than half (55%) of offline daters got engaged after more than two years.

Marriage - Online daters married more quickly - 38% were married within two years of engagement, while 62% of offline daters married after more than two years of being engaged.

Do You Believe in Magic?

Love at First Sight - Two-thirds (64%) of all respondents said they didn't experience love at first site, with only one-third (36%) saying they were hit with Cupid's arrow.

Leaving it to Fate - An overwhelming 78% of people said they felt like they were fated for their significant other; 22% said it was just "pure chance."

Kiss - Slightly more than half (54%) said they kissed on their first date.

Separate Quarters? - A majority of respondents (70%) said they will live with their significant other before getting married.

Dating Tips: Five Signs of a Great Date - Perspectives from both sexes By Christine Hassler and Jason Ryan Dorsey

Online matchmaking sites, chat rooms, and even Facebook have forever changed how many couples initially meet. Regardless of how you come to know your potential love interest, there will be a time when you have that initial face-to-face date. This nerve-racking experience can cause you to second-guess your every action. Without the luxury of a dating coach secretly transmitting step-by-step instructions to you, how do you know if your first date is going well?

Authors Christine Hassler and Jason Ryan Dorsey offer you five signs -- from two different perspectives -- that let you know your odds of getting a second date.


1: You're actually excited to go out with him.

And he seems excited to be going out with you, too. If you feel more excitement about going to the dentist than going on the date, you should have said "no" in the first place. Your lack of enthusiasm is likely to smother any chances you will hit it off, so either cancel the date or convince yourself to be open-minded. If he greets you with a smile and is on time, you are off to a good start.

2: He spent time planning the date.

Did he think beyond just asking you out and make a reservation somewhere? Is he taking you to a meal or just a "meet for drinks after work" trial run? Did he print out directions and consider parking or is he obviously winging it? If you see that he has made some effort to make sure the night goes smoothly, or if he's visibly nervous about impressing you, then the guy actually thinks there's potential -- his intentions, however, remain to be seen.

3: He picks up the bill.

Call me old-fashioned, but if he asked you out, he should reach for the check. If he doesn't, then either he's lost interest in you or he's just cheap. That said, don't order the most expensive drink in the house to go with your lobster. Be considerate. And speaking of top-shelf martini's, if it's clear to you that the only way to get through your date is to consume as many drinks as the waiter will bring, you might as well cut your losses, fake a headache, and go home where you can watch re-runs of "Sex in the City." The same is true if he starts throwing back the drinks faster than you.

4: He maintains eye contact throughout the night.

If you notice he's squinting to see the backside of a scantily clad waitress, wait for the guy who actually makes an effort to focus on you. Your eye contact should coincide with a nice ebb and flow of conversation, not just him or you doing all the talking. And the date is doomed if he calls you by the wrong name or forgets your name entirely.

5: You both can't wait to talk to each other again -- and I stress actually talk, not send emails or text messages. And ladies, the only way he's going to call you the next day to tell you how much fun he had on the date, is if you go to separate homes when the date ends. A great first date always leaves something to the imagination...


1: She actually shows up.

When you've been stood up as many times as I have, you feel a sense of relief when your date arrives. That feeling, however, can instantly vanish, like the time my date's father opened the front door wearing a flannel shirt and camouflage baseball cap. He then invited me to wait in the living room where he had conveniently spread his gun collection on a large table. I will never forget that experience. I also can't wait to have a daughter and do the same thing. No need to even mention curfew.

2: Your date laughs the whole time you're together.

This is especially good if she's laughing with you and not at the lettuce between your front teeth.
If your date isn't laughing, then you're not entertaining her or she's not interested. Both are bad signs. If you're unsure whether she's laughing at you or with you, ask her on a second date. If she laughs out loud, then you know the answer.

3: She offers to split the bill with you.

Where I'm from, this simply doesn't happen. Ever. Maybe that's because the male paying the bill is customary in my part of the country. Maybe it's the give and take of the dating ritual. Maybe it's just the women I tend to date. Whatever the reasoning, when a woman on a date offers to split the bill, it shows they appreciate that there's no such thing as a free meal. When that happens, hide the two-for-one coupon you planned to use.

4: When you're out on the town with your date, she sees her girlfriends and insists they come over and meet you.

This is a very good sign. It means you just passed the "good enough to be seen with in public" test.

5: Your first date is coming to an end, and you go to give her a sweet hug; and instead, she gives you a full-on smooch.

Hello, Love! That sign is unmistakable -- unless she's been consuming alcoholic beverages and simply needed to grab you in order to keep her balance. When your date turns a friendly hug into a smooch be warned: Do not say anything! No matter what you say it won't be as romantic as in the movies.

Instead, take a deep breath, savor the moment, feel the energy, wish her goodnight, and get out of there fast. You just positioned yourself for date #2! The question now is, when do you call...

10 Signs That You're Dating a Commitment-Ready Guy By Caroline Presno, Ed.D., P.C.C.

Are you ready for a relationship that is going to lead somewhere without you being led on? It's time to start weeding out the commitment phobics and put your time and effort into men that are looking for the kind of relationship you want -- one that has a future. If you're interested in getting married, ignore these at your own risk.

Here's what to look for:

1. His friends are married.
If you are interested in a guy, check out his friends' left hands to see if they have wedding rings on.
Research has show that if his friends are already married, he's more likely to get married. If all of his friends are still single and in the "party-with-the-boys" phase, that's a bad sign.

2. He's financially secure
Studies show that men who own a home are more marriage-ready. A man who is generally financially stable, and has his ducks in a row, feels marriage is a practical next step for him.

3. He pursues you
The guy who is commitment-ready is going to initiate doing things with you. If you're emailing him and he takes days to email you back, if you have to text him to find out where he is, if you are always calling him, you're chasing a man who's probably not marriage-material.

4. He's willing to wait
Yes, research is telling us what we already know: If a guy gets to know you before getting intimate, he is more likely to commit.

5. He watches DVDs with you when you're sick
Taking care of you when you're sick shows that this guy isn't just in it for the fun and sex. If he wants to be with you in bad times, it's a sign he's in it for the long haul.

6. He gets to know your friends and family
A guy who is thinking long-term wants to truly get to know you. Seeing you interact with your family and friends helps him learn where you come from and more about who you are. The flip side of it is that he will also want you to get to know him! He'll want to see if you fit in with his family and friends. A guy who keeps you separate from the important people in his life is just playing around.

7. He says, "we" instead of "me"
When he switches from "me" to "we", that's a sign he's committing to you at a deeper level. If your guy is all, "I", "me", and "my" instead of "we" and "us" in conversations after you've been dating a while, his mindset is still in single guy mode.

8. He's not afraid of compromise
A commitment-ready guy is going to ask your opinion, consult you about decisions he needs to make, and has the ability to meet you half-way. A bull-headed guy who needs everything his way or it's the highway, isn't ready for the compromise that's naturally part of a mature relationship.

9. He doesn't need excuses
Commitment-phobic guys always have an excuse about why they can't be with you on Saturday night, why they didn't call, and why they aren't ready for a relationship right now. A commitment-ready guy doesn't need excuses, he just needs you.

10. He likes being in a long-term relationship
Some men like being in a monogamous relationship and some don't. The sooner you realize and accept this the better. If he complains all the time about needing space, treats you like a giant burden instead of a gift, and keeps talking about taking things slow, he's telling you he's not ready for a commitment. On the other hand, if he's done with the party scene, enjoys your "couple time" together, and has a strong sense of family, you've found a commitment-ready guy.

5 Biggest Dating Mistakes That Single Men Make - By Andrea Syrtash, ONDating

How many times have you gone on what you thought was an amazing date only to find that the person never calls back or doesn't seem interested when you try to book another date?

Dating can be awkward, and everyone makes mistakes. Of course, there are some instances in which the person you like doesn't follow up and it has nothing to do with you (e.g,. an ex comes back into her life...don't you love that?). But often it's simple things we do (or don't do) that prevent us from making a connection.

During the past few years, I've interviewed hundreds of daters and asked them what they were looking for, and it's amazing to hear the same themes. Women have certainly complained to me about the biggest mistakes they feel that men make in dating, so I thought I'd share the secrets.

Don't worry -- I have plenty of material on the mistakes women make, but that's for a future installment.)

1. Men Show Off or Try to Impress Too Much.

Don't offer your resume, your earning potential, and tell us how you'll change our lives the first time we meet you. Instead of talking about yourself the whole night, ask questions! Don't come on too strong right away. Let us figure out if we want to be with you, instead of telling us we do.

2. Men Don't Listen to Us When We're Talking.

We notice if you stop listening to us, if you ask us questions we just answered, or if you keep interrupting us when we're opening up. This drives most women nuts! Unless you're on call, don't check your Blackberry at dinner and don't check out other women. Focus on the woman across the table from you and listen to what she has to say.

3. Men Aren't Chivalrous.

The lines here are not always clear. We want you to treat us like equals, but we also want you to treat us like women. It's nice when a man picks up the tab or makes sure his date gets home safely. It may be old-fashioned, but a number of women report that dating a gentleman matters.

4. Men Don't Take Initiative.

Men, how many times have you caught yourself saying, "I don't know" or "Whatever you'd like" when planning a date? If you've asked a woman out, a better approach is to give a few fun and creative date options and ask her to pick one. Initiative doesn't mean ordering for a woman at a restaurant or ordering a woman around! It does mean confidently approaching your date with ideas, passion and interest. It also means you can be flirty and forward, letting her know how amazing you think she looks or how much you want to kiss her.

5. Men Say They'll Call and Then Don't.

It's no surprise that acting like you're going to follow up when you're not bothers most women (and never underestimate the way word travels about you not keeping your word!). Better to end a date by saying, "It was nice to meet you. Have a good night." Don't act like you're going to follow up if you're not. If you've gone out more than a few times, be honest that while you enjoy your date's company, you don't feel a romantic connection. Just remember, communication is usually the way to go with a woman.

There are always exceptions, so I don't believe there are absolute rights and wrongs in dating -- but there are strategies. If you follow these simple steps, you'll be ahead in the dating game. At least you'll get an 'A' for effort.

Four Tips for the Broken-Hearted By Andrea Syrtash, ONDating

When I broke up with my boyfriend of five years, I cried so hard that the skin on my nose started peeling from blowing it so much. I didn't cry on Valentine's Day, his birthday, or the other "big" occasions when I thought loneliness would set in. I cried at the tiniest things -- when I saw a monkey on TV that I knew he'd laugh at, or when I smelled a whiff of his sporty deodorant at Duane Reade. Of course people told me it would get easier with time -- and it did -- but what they didn't tell me was that it would get harder with time before it got easier.

Every day that passed was marked. I'd think, "I can't believe this is the first Saturday without him as my date", or "How could 4 months have passed without us talking?"

Breaking up is more than hard to do... it feels totally unnatural, counter-intuitive, and down-right unfair to stop talking to someone you're used to talking to daily.

Of course, if the breakup was fueled by something lousy that your partner did -- or something hurtful that you did -- anger and guilt can transform the mourning process. More often than not, however, people break up when they still have feelings for their partner.

While you're blowing your nose, here are a few tips to consider:
1. Write down a list of your five 'must-haves' and five 'can't-stands' for your future partner.
It can be as silly as wanting to date someone who loves to dance or as serious as wanting to be with somebody of the same faith. If it is important to you, include it in your list.

2. Make new relationship resolutions.
Try to identify how certain fears influenced your last relationship, and decide whether you're prepared to take steps to face those fears. Try to identify how certain fears influenced your last relationship, and decide whether you're
prepared to take steps to face those fears. For instance, if you feared losing your independence in your last relationship, how will you cope in your next one so that you don't feel you have lost yourself while in a partnership?

3. Ask yourself, "Why did you stay as long as you did?"
Were there moments when you knew it wasn't working? How did you deal with it? What would you do differently if you did it again?

4. Allow yourself to grieve in a way that's comfortable to you. For some, playing sad love songs and spending many nights inside with Ben and Jerry feels best. For others, jumping into the dating game in a casual way and having fun is a good way to cope.

My friend Dan always says that breakups happen twice -- once in your heart, and once out loud. By the time the breakup is done, no doubt that there were sleepless nights or resolutions made to change the situation. Once you get to the point where a relationship just isn't working, or if the other person has terminated something you thought had more potential, don't beat yourself up. It's easier to say with distance and time -- but usually these things are a blessing in disguise. When we start to date again, we often realize how wonderful it feels to be appreciated for some of the quirks that annoyed or upset our ex, or how amazing it is to be fulfilled and fully present with someone else.